Winser's understanding of love: 2012

Hi. Just came across this post by Jasryn a couple weeks ago. At first blush, I was fascinated by such perspective of hers.

Listened to the radio while tried falling asleep. No...it didn't help. Instead, memories came flushing in, which I thought of this post...

Here's some important stuff about Jasryn's post:

You should love yourself. Expecting someone else to do it is like expecting someone else to breathe for you. And it sounds crazy but a lot of people do - they expect someone else to take care of them, to protect them, to fix them.

My boyfriend asked me if I thought he completed me. And I said no.
Because for him to do that I would first have to admit something about me is missing - and a lot of things are; patience, tolerance, understanding - but another person isn't one of them. I've never felt like one half of a whole. Is that bad?

I said I think that we should look for people who complement rather than complete us. Maybe they can smooth some of the jagged edges left by lesser men but being complete should be your own problem.

How can you give someone you love anything less than all you are? How can you expect someone else to fix your problems? Sure, there's pay the bills and help fix the broken light bulb will ya?

lot of boys and girls think their lives will have meaning if they find a partner who wants nothing else in life but them. That’s not healthy. That’s falling in love with the idea of a person, not the actual person.

                                                                            

- Joseph Gordon Levitt on 500 Days of Summer

Hmmm...how do I start...
ok.

Yes,
you should love yourself.
it does give you the thrust
to strive harder,
hang on a little longer,
dress a little prettier,
and reflect yourself better.

People see a hole in them
rather than a gap in life



It is not a person that is missing in you,
but rather
something you want is missing in life




and so

People fill themselves
with someone else
or something of aren't theirs
which is never of matching size



You tend to overlook

and expect people
to do the "loving" for you,
drowning you with compliments,
for you would say:
I love those who love me for being who I am.

Either,

Loving yourself doesn't mean that
you complete your own self.



What people seek is what you possess.
But, neither you can they own, nor can you own them.
Thus,
people share.

Complete is of part of me

Complement is more like a package.
as they were never yours.

If it were to be
people being complete without love
there would never be one.

If it were to be
people falling for the idea of a person
is not falling in love
Then, what is love?

Poker~faced

OWWHhhh...shuckzzz....
Maybe I just had a heavy doze of "Calvin and Hobbes", where Calvin was so rebellious about studying, but he made a good point : Knowledge is paralyzing. With just 2 core subjects (Business Finance and Accounting) is enough to make my head slightly heavy. It's like I could feel more neurons are being made and inter-connected. Still, I don't feel smarter, because everyone else is still smarter than me.

English was a casual one. Not those kind that would leave you breathless while the teacher goes on and on like freight train with a break-neck speed. I'll get to that part later. English is still ok to me. It's more to ice-breaking for the first 2 weeks, like intro-you and your partner session, impromptu speaking etc. But, I must admit, that I'm pretty awkward when I'm dealing with a new environment and people. The good news (also the bad news) is, everybody speaks English with an interesting accent.

"Take out a piece of paper and give me the definition of an "organization"..."stakeholders" ..."3 Primary objectives of a business"..."4 Secondary Objectives"..."8 Objectives by Peter Drucker"....etc..." 

That's what happened and somehow got me thoughts going blank when the lecturer for Business & Finance came in for the 2nd lesson. See, how high the expectations are from the lecturer? Totally incompatible with my style of learning.  His lecture is totally an exhausting one, for the brain. At least there's a good thing, when he gives us a toilet break in between for 15 minutes. He is like Justin Hitchcock from Cecelia Ahern's "Thanks for the Memories", just that he has a neat hairstyle and is fairly fit. Something interesting about his add-ons : Victor Vroom's Expectancy , where F = V x E. Somehow, I think, everything involves Science! F is force of motivation, V stands for valence (how valuable is the outcome) while E represents the expectancy (probability of the effort will succeed).

Accounting is fairly OK. Still, it is a damn-whole-new subject to me, which, the teacher emphasizes a lot, I have to work harder and faster in order to match myself with those who has the basics from previous studies, eg SPM, A-levels. I have to get myself familiarized with new terms, eg realization value, historical value, Net Realizable Value etc... I doubt myself will I be able to prepare a Statement of Financial Position and Income Statement  in time. Afterall, I started with zero, compared to the others.

Maybe I should stop comparing myself and the rest, and start looking at the similarities we share. Back to prime prob : Ice breaking.... they are kinda hard to break when we don't have the right skills and tools.
So, refer this : http://www.wikihow.com/Start-a-Conversation-When-You-Have-Nothing-to-Talk-About

 oooo...look at what my Lumia could do with the pictures taken.

I won't give up by Jason Mraz

Life is just like juggling 5 balls when you're an adult. 2 are made of rubber which are "Wealth" and "Career", but the other 3 is made of glass which are "Health", "Religion" and "Family".

                                                                                                                    ~Kale Lau W.K.

Lost & to-be-Found and Christmas

To anyone who reads (probably just me...)...anyway...

Merry Christmas. May you have bright days ahead of you. I know I've been not so keen in updating this "blog" and it's kinda lame. The fact is, I have no idea what I'm supposed to write. There 5 days left (just ignore the time posted at the end of this post, b'cos it's wrong) to end year 2011 and so far, everything is peaceful, no bloodshed at least. This is the last year I'm in secondary school and everything ahead of this milestone seems complicated. I have no idea what I wanna/I'm gonna be; I can't choose which A-level (or equivalent programs) in which institute. Dad, Mum and I kept arguing and discussing.

If I dream of becoming a lawyer, dad says, I MUST go for STPM (4th toughest exam on earth, based on Arull) in order to avoid the Certificate for Legal Practice (CLP) which all Law (LLB) graduates from private universities (local and foreign) MUST sit. The passing rate for CLP is very low, and hence, Dad freaks out.

If I dream of becoming an accountant, dad says, I MUST go for Sunway College Foundation in Accounting or CAT, then proceed to ACCA. Altogether takes 3 years. I'm a Science student. I have no clue what is Accountancy or what is it about. At least, I think it's a job that deals with money.

In my dad's time, people have limited resources and choices. My dad became an engineer.
In my time, people have excess resources and choices. I'm lost. See how does "I'm fine with everything" phrase kill people?
Indecisiveness, the crucial part for a child, that saves time, and time is life.
Preparedness, the essential segment for parents, that saves time, and time is money.

Basically, I can do anything.

"Wrong, my son," Mum said "When I was your age, I was like you, too. You're not brilliant, but you have a large learning capacity."

The moment when parents say "Nevermind la!", is the time they're uncertain of how things would turn up to be, or they're just being overconfident. Another misconception from a parent: Whatever we studied at your age was tougher than what you learn today." The worst part? Nobody listens, and keep on being wrong.

Life is complicated. If you notice, not all information are tucked into those stacks of brochures that you got. It feels like my future that lies in your hand is nothing but just good business. (sounds like Pirates of the Caribbean 3, eh?).

If you guys notice that I've been posting "inbox me any number and see what I say about you" s, it is really kinda fun to lay back and contemplate the moments we had together. In the meantime, spreading loves and "true words" in a nice way to fill up my emptiness (both soul and time). By the way, I reserved the word "special" just for "you". And there comes the feeling again.

There're a few great movies that I've watched during the holidays:

I spent my afternoon cleaning up my desk during Christmas, and in Times Square with my family. I think, people should have gatherings in their houses, instead of looking for parking spaces, queuing up for food, avoiding from flashing cameras (I'm one of 'em with the cameras, but mum don't allow me to take pictures of people), and squeezing through the crowd. I think, more quality time should be spent among family members and friends. Roast turkey, anyone?

This year's (2011)theme for Christmas (my pick) : White Christmas (I know it's not snowing in Malaysia)
2010: Winter Wonderland
2009: Last Christmas
2008: Come All ye' Faithful

Ain't No Mountain (That's) High Enough

My brain's stuck somewhere in Beijing (literally) due to Chinese examination tomorrow.

Chinese is different, in other words, they're tough. 

At least to me it's pretty tough.

The last piece of essay that I wrote was remarked as "weird" 莫名其妙, so...

I threw it into the trash. I'm sorry, seriously. 

Basically, we do not have a text book that minimizes the scope in asking questions.

In English, we are only being asked based on books, like Step by Wicked Step and the Literature Book.

And in Malay, we study things from KOMSAS Tingkatan 4 & 5 and 2 Novels. And with the field of questions being narrowed down, we still complain that BM is too tough. 

What about Chinese? Come on. China has a rich culture and history of 5000 years. Scratch that textbook, we do not have enough reference or resource. Give us a book, and ask questions based on that particular book, Problem solved. (pardon me for not thinking with depth. Correct me please)

I know that they are raising the bar because it's probably the last time we're studying Chinese and China is growing at a breakneck velocity (yes, it has a direction). But, "A" ain't everything. Something great about Malaysians (peep like me) is that I am just being "A"verage in studies and computer games. So, being average or moderate or neutral is nothing to be proud of. At least, if I'm good in computer games, I might become an IT engineer one day. But, I ain't no Bill Gates either. So...@#$%^ the whole system.

Remember this picture? 

Oh well...that's just some weird crap I'm saying....So, to those students sitting for SPM, here's a little booster....

Yea...I saw another ad from UPS, but DHL totally killed it. 

The Knot

Finally, I received the notification for which camp am I posted to for National Service (PLKN).

If you're part of the "crew", yet not knowing which camp you're in, kindly refer on:

 http://apps1.khidmatnegara.gov.my/penempatan 

and after keying in your IC num., you'll get something like this:

(this is what I got)

KUMPULAN :1 

PUSAT BERKUMPUL :PERHENTIAN BAS KAJANG, JLN REKO, KAJANG 

NEGERI PUSAT BERKUMPUL : SELANGOR 

NAMA KEM :KEM PLKN TITIAN BINTAGOR, REMBAU, NEGERI SEMBILAN

ALAMAT KEM :KG BINTAGOR 

POSKOD KEM :71150

BANDAR KEM :REMBAU 

NEGERI KEM :NEGERI SEMBILAN 

TARIKH LAPOR :01-JAN-2012 

MASA LAPOR :9:30 PAGI 

Mum got shocked that I am in NS, and is squeezzing every sort of ways on skipping or postponing PLKN.

But to me, I'm lucky enough to be in the first badge, which starts as early as New Year and ends by April? 

By that time, I'll be getting my SPM results and then further my studies....and here comes a knot....

So far....my parents and I agreed on me doing Law. I can't figure out any other suitable courses and jobs...

Mum declined Journalism for me, and Dad is quite stingy nowadays. Dad emphasizes that GCE A-Levels is very expensive, takes a very long time, furthering my Degree in Law (LLB) costs about 1Million, not finding a good job, gets very low pay, failing exams, thinking that Cambridge A-levels will lead to no other universities but Cambridge because of the name, criticizing why I have to choose my courses now, hoping that I'll further my studies in local Universities, bashing those colleges and universities providing A-levels, comparing his times and nowadays education system etc...etc...etc...

Basically, Dad is keeping all his money to himself and have no sign of funding me in college, or whatever I've chosen. Money is not everything, but can we at least sit down and discuss about this matter? It's your son's future that you're playing with now after so many times of avoiding this conversation. The reason why I prefer International Uni more than Local Uni is because they make international and national people, while Local U graduates are more likely to be bounded in their country. 

I've been Googling for A level courses, and yes, it is pretty expensive....around RM15,000 to 20,000 for most universities and colleges. However, if you're the Rich type, you might consider Taylor's (around 28k).

People like me opt for something suitable....like 

1) Sunway University : price not stated (around 20k)

http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/668839

2) Methodist KL : RM11,700 to 13,500 

http://www.methodistcollegekl.edu.my/images/Fees/fees%20brochure%2017-06-11a.jpg

3) Brickfields Asia : RM10,500 to 15,000

http://www.bac.edu.my/index.php/programmes-bac/pre-university-programmes/a-levels

4) HELP : RM21,000 to 25,000 

http://www.help.edu.my/academicprograms/gce_alevels

5) TAR : RM<10,000 (according to internet forums)

http://www.tarc.edu.my/bursary/fees.htm

6) St. John : RM11,000 to 13,600

Well...there you go...life is full of choices...

It's just not that easy

Well, some of you questioned about me being a jerk when it comes to relationship.
And yes, I have to admit, I have no guts
(no, I'm not a girl or a gay, I have balls!!!! () () arrgh! or else I'mma rip off yours!)

Okay...back to the point.
I think that...
It is pretty easy to start a relationship. But, I think it's never easy to end one. I mean, it's not like I must end one every time I get into one, it's just that what if you're not her cup of tea, or ended up with an argument? It's breaking 2 hearts, okay, sometimes only one...but not for me.

It is just not as easy as putting a full stop into a relationship.

Perhaps, I'm not ready.....

Great, it's in the SPM month and I'm thinking of these things.

 A heart doesn't always break even... 

And...isn't it even more painful when you're already heartbroken before you started?