Timing

I didn't realise that things have drawn that close. 

I've been spending a few weeks not studying, but reading on some irrelevant books and...contemplating life. And, I thought that sometimes we just have to do things in a mild and subtle way. Turned out that I was too complacent with my current progress...nonono....I'm still not talking about my studies. 

I thought I was making progress. Apparently, it was too slow... 

And things never turned out of what I expected...and that's pretty cool.

Then I realised that I have a horrible sense of timing.

But, 

it's time to make things happen.  

http://dujs.dartmouth.edu/news/stem-cells-the-solution-to-live-more-than-100-years/attachment/time

Puzzles

"The first impression is the most essential thing when meeting people"
"Never let anybody take advantage of you"
"Seize every opportunity"
"Everybody is selfish"

I screwed all of them up...all of the above.

Sometimes, we just have to wait.
Sometimes, we just have to learn how not to think.
Sometimes, we just have to let go.
Sometimes, we are doing things in the weirdest ways.

Eventually, everything will fall in place.


Still...no regrets.

Skyfall

A couple of days ago, I was in a pretty much devastating state. I would be sitting alone and contemplating life. Most of the time I'd be over-contemplating, fantasizing things that could (but never) happen. I could have got high without drugs. Somehow, everything get stuck together, tangling like a ball of....earphones.....(sorry...I can't think of any other example)

The imaginations that I had, the thoughts that swift through my mind. They are just enough to have me putting a rope around my neck...and...get me killed. The past that lurks into you and disrupt your whole emotion mechanism, scarring you again as if the past didn't traumatized me enough. I'm virtually living on my past events that was apparently not that...beautiful. Last night, I was dreaming on a person who ran away with my handphone....and I just...stood there staring. 

That feeling of regrets. It chews you up. You'd be thinking why on earth did you do that???!! Your rational thoughts turns irrational. Your common sense is not so common afterall. You would love to have that change in your live. A feel of fresh air. But, you just don't have the guts. Your thoughts are overwhelmed with repercussions and consequences. This is the so-called 'analysis paralysis'. And, you...just standing there and let things slip by. 

It's like PMSing. Everything gets red. Sorry. no...it doesn't. But, everything gets a little icky. And I can't get my thoughts arranged and think straight (p.s. not the opposite of gay. Just straight). I guess humans are pretty much of a emotional being. I can't focus on my studies (I still can't). I took an escalator in the wrong direction. Everything gets so damn dysfunctional. I'm like a walking dead. 

What other people say doesn't really matter. The real game-changer is through our own realisation. And, sadly, realisation itself is not enough. You need to execute the realisation and see things through. And, very sadly, you need the strength to make things come true. Or, when the situation requires you to. And, believe me, it's worse than taking a roller coaster ride (doesn't sound that bad, isn't it?). In other words, you'll get butterflies in your stomach, heart pumping filled with adrenaline while you head counts "1...2...3...go~!"

And, that's when you've changed. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/article-2003840/Takabisha-Worlds-steepest-rollercoaster-Fuji-Q-Japan.html

Mirrors

Aren't you something to admire, 'cause your shine is something like a mirror
And I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always parallel on the other side

'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass, I'm here trying to pull you through
You just gotta be strong

'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm looking right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Coming back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Aren't you something, an original, 'cause it doesn't seem merely assembled
And I can't help but stare 'cause I see truth somewhere in your eyes
Ooh I can't ever change without you, you reflect me, I love that about you
And if I could, I would look at us all the time

'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass, I'm here trying to pull you through
You just gotta be strong

'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm looking right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Coming back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Yesterday is history
Tomorrow's a mystery
I can see you looking back at me
Keep your eyes on me
Baby, keep your eyes on me

I don't wanna lose you now
I'm looking right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Coming back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

You are you are the love of my life
You are you are the love of my life
You are you are the love of my life
You are you are the love of my life
You are you are the love of my life
You are you are the love of my life
You are you are the love of my life
You are you are the love of my life
You are you are the love of my life
You are you are the love of my life

Now you're the inspiration for this precious song
And I just wanna see your face light up since you put me on
So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone
And I can't wait wait wait wait wait to get you home
Just to let you know, you are........

Fear

Elizabeth Swann: Because you and I are alike, and there will come a moment when you have a chance to show it. To do the right thing.
Jack Sparrow: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.
Elizabeth Swann: You'll have the chance to do something... something courageous. And when you do, you'll discover something: that you're a good man.
Jack Sparrow: All evidence to the contrary.
Elizabeth Swann: No, I have faith in you. Want to know why?
Jack Sparrow: Do tell, dearie.
Elizabeth Swann: [persuasive] Curiosity. You're going to want it. A chance to be admired. And gain the rewards that follow. You won't be able to resist. You're going to want to know... what it tastes like.
Jack Sparrow: I do want to know what it tastes like.

There would be a point in our lives, (perhaps just mine) that we (or just me) feeling desperate for a change in ourselves. But, we are just somewhat afraid to take the leap of faith. We are just being too complacent to push ourselves towards a better self. That's when you found yourself ripping apart by both your thoughts and current self.

Oh yea...before I get any further, this is not a post on the Malaysia 13th general election. I'm not affiliated with any political parties or influences. I'm still under 21, but that doesn't mean that I don't care about my country.

Where was I? Oh...yes..the struggle.

And that's the moment when opportunity ran towards you, but you're just too busy with yourself. The ghastly fact that opportunity was right in front you and you realised that it's just right in front charging gracefully. And the ghastly moment that it just pass right through you. Yes...through.... And you failed to put yourself together.

You pretended you didn't to notice.
You pretended that you're strong to let go.

But, you know that you've just committed something plain stupid. Something that you'd regret for the rest of your life. And your inner muse just went dead and you felt so lifeless. You ought to have time to prepare yourself, but that's not always true and that's always not true. It's just pathetic living that way and I hate it.

Well, that's not my first time doing such bloody stuff. And every time such thing happens, I just feel like killing myself.

Seriously, I hated it.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and self discipline

                                                                                             ~ Timothy 1:7

 

http://images.wikia.com/pirates/images/2/25/Kraken_mouth_DMC.jpg

Doing the right thing.