The imaginations that I had, the thoughts that swift through my mind. They are just enough to have me putting a rope around my neck...and...get me killed. The past that lurks into you and disrupt your whole emotion mechanism, scarring you again as if the past didn't traumatized me enough. I'm virtually living on my past events that was apparently not that...beautiful. Last night, I was dreaming on a person who ran away with my handphone....and I just...stood there staring.
That feeling of regrets. It chews you up. You'd be thinking why on earth did you do that???!! Your rational thoughts turns irrational. Your common sense is not so common afterall. You would love to have that change in your live. A feel of fresh air. But, you just don't have the guts. Your thoughts are overwhelmed with repercussions and consequences. This is the so-called 'analysis paralysis'. And, you...just standing there and let things slip by.
It's like PMSing. Everything gets red. Sorry. no...it doesn't. But, everything gets a little icky. And I can't get my thoughts arranged and think straight (p.s. not the opposite of gay. Just straight). I guess humans are pretty much of a emotional being. I can't focus on my studies (I still can't). I took an escalator in the wrong direction. Everything gets so damn dysfunctional. I'm like a walking dead.
What other people say doesn't really matter. The real game-changer is through our own realisation. And, sadly, realisation itself is not enough. You need to execute the realisation and see things through. And, very sadly, you need the strength to make things come true. Or, when the situation requires you to. And, believe me, it's worse than taking a roller coaster ride (doesn't sound that bad, isn't it?). In other words, you'll get butterflies in your stomach, heart pumping filled with adrenaline while you head counts "1...2...3...go~!"
And, that's when you've changed.
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